Dog Jokes

Man's best friend is also the subject of some of the best jokes! Here's our selection of funny dog jokes and one liners.

What goes tick-tock woof-woof?

A watchdog!

What's a dog’s favourite kind of pizza?


Did you hear about the dog who ate nothing but garlic?

His bark was worse than his bite!

Why will a dog never win Strictly?

They have two left feet!

What do you call dogs who did up ancient artefacts?


Who delivers your dog’s Christmas presents?

Santa Paws!

How do dogs train their fleas?

From scratch!

Why should you be careful when it's raining cats and dogs?

You might step in a poodle!

What kind of dog does magic tricks?

A Labracadabrador

What kind of dog comes from Asgard and wields a mighty hammer?

A labrathor!

What is Dracula’s favourite dog?

A bloodhound!

What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing taxis!

What's it called when a cat wins a dog show?

A cat-has-trophy!

Did you hear about the dog who went to see the flea circus?

He stole the show!

What do you get if you cross a dog with a calculator?

A best friend you can really count on!

What kind of dog is good at magic tricks?

A labracadabrador!

What did the dog say when it sat on some sandpaper?


Why did the boy take his dog to a watchmaker?

It had ticks!

Why do dogs run in circles?

It's too hard to run in squares!

Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm a dog! Do take a seat.

I can't - Mum says I'm not allowed on the furniture!

If you liked this, then you should try watching Video Quiz: Can You Guess the Name of These Cute Dogs?!

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